They tell us that it will be Spring in a week’s time .... I hope the weather-maker has been informed. Heavy frost greets us most mornings, although some of the seagulls have left for their breeding quarters. Will they survive in such cold and barren conditions? The frogs have not started spawning yet and the daffodils are tight in bud and sheath.

On 12th March Doctor Michael Ford gave us a very good Lent Hour meditation on Henri Nouwen. As an introduction Michael told us that he had only met Henri Nouwen once, when he interviewed him for BBC Radio 4 some eighteen years ago. In answer to a question, H.N. said that his source of inspiration was art and conversation with others. In fact, he was so inspired by Rembrandt’s painting of "The Prodigal Son" that he spent many days viewing it. He identified first with the ragged son, then his jealous brother, and finally realised that he was best suited to be the forgiving father. Since H.N. was both a priest and a psychologist his books combine both forms of insight. Michael was the first official biographer of Nouwen after his unexpected death en route to Russia.

From a letter to a friend.

"Thank you so much for your letter. You wrote so movingly about spiritual weariness. It has been a common affliction for all people who engage in prayer since mankind began to pray. Often weariness is telling us to stop cluttering our mind with words. I am surprised you could say so many different prayers, read so many books on the religious life for so many years. I couldn’t have done that, and even so I do suffer from a type of weariness and boredom with the daily round and ‘useless words’ whether read, spoken or thought from time to time. They can be a barrier against God, keeping Him at a distance, and we have to learn to not think about Him (so to speak) but to experience Him in our daily life - in creation , in people, in all around us - the good, the bad and the indifferent. It is a different way of both ‘seeing’ and hearing. Many articles have been written about this from the time men and women engaged in solitary prayer. The technical term is ACEDIA.

The weather changed on Tuesday 16th March. The sun shone for most of the day, encouraging the crocus clumps to open while the miniature daffodils swelled in the bud. That was not all. The day for spawning had come and a Sister counted eight frogs in the lower pool. By late afternoon there were several clumps of spawn in the water, shining brightly. I saw three large frogs recuperating in the pool. Startled by some movement, they plunged amid the water weeds, two rising close to each other, gently touching noses. That was so unexpected that I was stunned again into the awareness of relationships everywhere.

Most of the gulls have departed, and the garden is no longer shrouded in darkness at six o’clock. The daffodil heads are turning towards the earth, having prayed in their green bud-cowls for a couple of weeks! The first newt of the year has been seen but no further bumblebees.

Palm Sunday

The first Easter cards are arriving, and I have not made any preparations for Easter - other than to purchase chocolate eggs for the Community (via the website) and for local friends.

It is humbling to receive letters from friends and acquaintances saying that they like my yearly Advent and Lent letters, especially now, when I feel dried-up like an old river bed! I am at an age when the earlier accepted insights of spiritual teachers leave me unsatisfied. Much of what was written in former times sounds so complete, so comfortable, so unreal.... Life, as I experience it, is not like that. The agony and ecstasy, the tearing apart, the fiendish cruelty and the depth of psychological suffering which have been surfacing again in our supposedly Christian societies challenge that. We are still part of creation in the making, in another age of actual chaos. See, the inevitable optimism surfaces again: it is difficult to kill hope. Is that a problem or a blessing , true or false? For me, life is always emerging, so I hope it is truth in the making.

In 2008 I wrote:

" In the Western World, Spring is the time when what lay dormant in seed or bulb, bud or flower grows into its new form: the seed does not simply become a larger seed, or the bud a bigger bud. A fertile egg is miraculously transformed into an immature version of the adult, and life is handed-on in a long continuous chain. As Christians, we believe that when we die all the vital energy which has surged through us - call it grace or spirit - remains vital but elsewhere. Where we do not know. That is the mystery which we cannot yet answer. We believe in faith that Our Lord ‘rose from the dead’ - but he was different, not recognised: he was a stranger until a word or gesture reminded those who knew him of the person they had known. And then they believed. After that, they could accept his word, his promise that he would be with us ‘all days until the end of time’."

In 2009 came the following excerpt:

"The image of over-shadowing wings has been with me for many years. Some contemplative writers have seen our world as an egg over which the Holy Spirit broods. (Hildegard of Bingen and G.M.Hopkins.) I used to imagine the creation of the world, brought forth out of darkness and chaos, in a similar way until more modern translators insisted that the ‘divine spirit’ mentioned in Genesis is not the creative power. It is the Word of God which is creative:

"In the beginning God created heaven and earth. Now the earth was a formless void, there was darkness over the deep, with a divine wind sweeping over the waters.

God said, ‘Let there be light ..."

.... It is the shadow of God which engenders life. This is how nature works: the seed needs to be planted in the soil, kept warm and moist, attracted towards the light. In a fertilised egg the warmth of the brooding mother - or another source of warmth - is essential for incubation. The liquid and food is already there until the chick pierces the shell which would be its tomb if it did not struggle to find more space, light and air. No wonder a newly hatched chick is exhausted, limp and apparently lifeless until its mother warms it under her wings.

... People who are conscious of their dreams know that all is well when they dream of healthy and happy birds, and that something is wrong when the birds are bedraggled and listless. A medieval manuscript portrayed a mythical bird drawing out the vapours of illness in a man, becoming listless and sick itself, with only the rays of the healing sun restoring it to health. Some people who pray seem to share in this redemptive mystery, often not knowing where the spiritual darkness has come from.

Another form of wings can be seen in the Cross, with Christ ( perhaps unconsciously a symbol of the reckless son Icarus of Greek legend) not crashing into the sea and drowning but rising up ‘with healing in his rays’ streaming from Him. The crucifixion by Salvador Dali has Christ ‘brooding’ over the Sea of Galilee - representing the whole of creation - and offering us all the gift of true life.

..... I cannot get away from the imagery of mythical, but truly spiritual, birds as the generative power in life. At the time of the ascension Our Lord raised His arms in blessing. "Now as he blessed them, he withdrew from them and was carried up to heaven.." Could he have been borne on eagle’s wings, a sort of mythical Bird which had swept over the waters of chaos, and still broods over us?"

Holy Week 2010

Over the weekend I have heard the local woodpecker at work, and seen a trusting jay pecking at the seeds available to him on the bird table. Squirrels keep doing gymnastics to reach it, preparing their leap on the ivy-decked hedge visible from my choir stall.

Since Friday the garden is blooming abundantly .... violets stand tall in some flower beds, hyacinths cast their fragrance and colour, and the birds sing loud and clear. Now it is raining and the day looks dull.

The liturgy went well on Palm Sunday, and for the first time ever - just for three days - our Chapel crucifix has its own frond of bleached palms. The symbol of a bird’s wing comes to mind, trying to shade His head as Our Lord hangs on the cross.

It is the time of the year when we have to write-up our reports to the Charity Commission. Once again I ended with a quotation:

Our aims and scope remain modest, and depend entirely upon what is required of us. The quotation from Rev.Gregory Fruehwirth at the end of our report for 2008 remains valid.

"At times of silence, of deep trust, and waiting we can glimpse the remarkable beauty of a life given primarily to intimacy with God in prayer ..... If we have followed God deeply into the contemplative way .... it is likely that no one will ever notice.... People called to loving intimacy with God are not usually extraordinary in their outward demeanour...... it is in the homely events of the everyday that our love for God - that deep flow of unceasing desire and praise and celebration - is purified, perfected, and consummated."